i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
