Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
