whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
