I think im going to throw up on grandma
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Text me some of your sweat
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
