some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
operation have a gay friend backfired
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
