oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
