capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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