If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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