i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize