Whod you bang
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
