he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
