I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
