it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
