can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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