Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
