Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He passed out mid-signature
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
