He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
