i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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