Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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