You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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