the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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