How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
