By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
