Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
