i can't believe i had my finger in that
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
