he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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