I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
