i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There's always time for handjobs
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Who died my cat blue again?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
