I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
