don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
