It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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