you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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