So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
