nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
