Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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