We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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