Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
