this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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