Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Boobs speak an international language.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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