Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
