I cockslap morals
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Drunk is a universal language darling
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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