when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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