I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Randomize