Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
