you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
