Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize