I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
