You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
