I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
