It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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