News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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