apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
