i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
