Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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