You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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