We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
