hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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