can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize