and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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