I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Houston, we have a blender
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
