i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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