do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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