So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize