I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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