Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
