fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
