I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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