He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
