me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
