Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize