Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
