I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
