Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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