please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
