I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
