she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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